Lila Day!

My sweet L, this post is for you in honor of Lila Day. On this day (December 29th) in 2007 we met you for the very first time. You were almost exactly 8 months old and just barely 12 pounds. You were tiny and gorgeous and alert and happy and did I mention TINY?

This was the exact moment we met. You were the size of a large newborn but had the alert eyes of a much older baby. We could tell right away that you noticed EVERYTHING (this, by the way, has not changed). You smiled almost the whole time and were fascinated with my necklace & glasses. I just remember being so stunned that this tiny little gorgeous amazing baby was mine.

You, of course, became an instant Daddy's girl.

This was taken on New Year's Eve, 2007. You can see how adorably crazy your hair was - long on the very top and at the nape of your neck with almost no hair at all around the sides and back of your head. What was most impressive was when the nannies would gather that top part into a very very small cornrow. Those are some serious braiding skills right there.

We soon realized at least part of the reason why you were so very tiny: you spit up almost all that we attempted to put in you. I remember each and every time I gave you a bottle you would gobble up all 7oz and then throw it all back up soon after. I remember crying and being overwhelmed with the helplessness any mother feels when they cannot nourish their child.

Finally home in Chicago, you didn't waste any time catching up. When we first came home you were not even able to sit up on your own. Within 2 months you were sitting up and crawling, and you took your first steps just 2 days after your first birthday. Some pictures from the early days...

All dolled up to meet your Great Grandpa! Oh, and your Daddy picked out that outfit. So girly! This is so funny to me, knowing you now as the-girl-who-will-only-wear-Superman-shirts-and-jeans.

This has always been one of my most favorite photos of you. There was a stretch of time where you would make this face every time you saw a camera. This expression is 100% you.

We all learned that you may be small but your personality was (and still is) HUGE. There is a Shakespeare quote that has always reminded me of you: "Though she be but little, she is fierce."

You knew your ABC's at 18 months and by the age of 2 you knew the names of every dinosaur imaginable. I remember you stomping around the house singing, "T-Rex (ROAR)! I'm a Tyrannosaurus. I'm the biggest carnivore in the Cretaceous forest." I wonder how many little girls have a dinosaur-themed party for their 3rd birthday. You continually astonish people (and me) with your vocabulary. Right now you like to incorporate "ominous" as much as possible into everyday conversation.

Your current preschool teacher put it best: "L sure knows how to hang with the boys." You are a tomboy, through and through. I bought you this cheap Superman t-shirt last summer and it is pretty much all you will wear. That and a silk outfit from China. Our family certainly doesn't blend into the crowd, but you make sure that we are noticed (in the best possible sense). Today we went to Build-a-Bear and you requested an orange cat (named Max) and picked out a Spiderman outfit for him. I love that about you. You like what you like and are not the least bit interested in the princess stuff. You think superheros are COOL. You want to learn Kung Fu. You want to be a drummer in a rock band. You want to play for the Pittsburgh Steelers (sorry, Uncle John). You are stubborn and opinionated and very sure of yourself. Always. While that can make for some rather frustrating parenting, it is truly what I love most about you.

You jumping for joy on your first day of school. Also most likely the last time I ever got you into a dress.

Your very first race, the Flying Pig!

You love your brother. Sure, we have skirmishes here and there, but I often catch you giving E kisses and hugs while murmuring, "E, I love you so much."

My amazing girl. You are smart, beautiful, hilarious, and PRECOCIOUS. I love you more than I ever thought possible. I am positive that if any girl could hold their own with the Pittsburgh Steelers, it would be you. Happy Lila Day.

Rain, rain, GO AWAY

Seriously, it seems as though it has been raining every day since the beginning of time. Perhaps that is a wee bit on the dramatic side (who, me?), but sheesh. For those of you out there who have to care for curly heads, this is NOT ideal weather. Several weeks ago the news reported that we were well on track to have the wettest year in recorded history. No wonder I feel as though I've been in a perpetual rotten mood. I need me some sunshine! Thank goodness for non-stop Christmas music, holiday lights, and Christmas nougats...it's keeping the holiday glow going.

There is a reason I haven't been blogging so much lately: happily overwhelmed. Last year E was just shy of 18 months, and so while I'm sure he enjoyed the holidays, they had little meaning. Not so this year! I don't think he totally gets the Santa bit, but he loves the lights and we all say "hello, giant Santa" as we drive past this house that has a HUGE inflated Santa in their yard. Not to be critical, but what is it with gigantic, inflatable yard decor? I don't get it. Although, I do love our neighbors whose lawn sports a rather large inflatable Grinch riding on his sleigh complete with sack of presents and Max the dog. But both kiddos are soaking up all of the holiday cheer I can give them, usually leaving me fairly exhausted at the end of the day.

L is practically out of her mind excited. The Santa-threat is as useful as ever this year. She still firmly believes that we have the big guy on speed dial and when we threaten to call him yells, "Oh pleeeeeeeeaze don't call Santa, Mommy! He doesn't need to know what I did!" 

I'm feeling thankful, at the moment. I didn't do the 30 days bit last month, but here is a short list of what is making me thankful this holiday season:

1. A new recipe for peppermint meringues (thank you, Paige)

2. Having so much of my family close by. I love that they come over and there is no need to knock or ring the bell. They just come on in...that's how I like it.

3. Every day when L and I snuggle in bed for our rest time, she with the iPad and me with a book, she takes frequent breaks to lean over and shower me with kisses and "I love you's."

4. My little E still thinks I'm the bee's knees. Even though he is now over 30 pounds, I love that he still wants to be held much of the time. And my biceps look fabulous.

5. My new Miele vacuum cleaner. Lordy, it is wrong how much I love that thing.

6. The Tribe (no, not the baseball team). My refrigerator is covered with holiday cards with some of the most gorgeous children on the planet.

7. My babies. Even at the end of a very stressful day of errand running where E seemed to think it his duty to throw a tantrum in EVERY FREAKING STORE, I still thank my lucky stars every day (hour, minute, and second) for these two little people. They are sound asleep right now and I can't wait to wake up and make pancakes with them in the morning.

8. The Trans-Siberian Orchestra. No, I don't care for the music AT ALL. But my kids love it and every time it comes on the radio we have an instant dance party.

9. Brach's Christmas nougat. I have eaten waaaay too much this week.

10. Hubby, kids, and faithful pooch are upstairs snoozing away while I type and wait for my peppermint meringues to finish baking. I love this time to myself all the while  knowing that my family is tucked in bed happy, safe & sound.

Happy Holidays.

Ethiopia Part I

Unlike my two previous trips to Ethiopia, on this journey I had no expectations. No preconceived notions on how I would react, what would happen, or how I'd feel when I returned home. Mainly because this time I didn't have the convenience of baby-blinders. I couldn't bury my head in the demands and responsibilities of sudden parenthood. I could look around and finally get to know the country that gave me the two most precious gifts I will ever receive.

It may sound odd, but I was much more emotional on this trip. When things get heavy, I tend to clam up. No tears for this girl on her wedding day or even meeting L and E...who has time to cry when there is some overwhelming shit to do! But this time I sniffled with barely suppressed tears as we landed in Addis and especially during the drive to our guest house. It looked and smelled just as I'd remembered. It's still amazing to me that there is a place in Africa that is now familiar to me. Yet I felt this bizarre combination of familiarity coupled with seeing things for the first time. Without a baby to monopolize my attention, I could really see the traffic, the overwhelming amount of people (and children) everywhere, the goats in the road, the people sleeping on the sidewalks, the packs of dogs roaming about, and the streets FILLED with people sporting every different type of Ethiopian dress you can imagine: modern clothing, Orthodox Christian robes, and Muslim scarves.

On our first full day we drove south to Busa to see the water project to which EOR had contributed.

Everything impressed me. Community involvement was mandatory thus making this a highly sustainable project. A committee of community members was established not only to maintain the infrastructure (reservoirs and pipelines and such) but also to educate the surrounding communities on matters of hygiene, sanitation and the benefits of clean water.

 

This is the reservoir that has brought clean water to over 4,000 people, and is projected to reach over 9,000 by the project's end. Amazing.

Clean water. I will NEVER take it for granted again. Ever. Think of how having clean water to drink/bathe in/wash and cook with will make an impact on adorable girls like this one?

Below is the well the community was using before the reservoir and pipeline was built.

When we arrived at the reservoir I was overwhelmed to see the committee of community members there to greet us. These are the men and women that dug the ditches to put down the pipes, built the reservoir, and received the training that will keep the clean water flowing for years to come. They expressed their thanks to EOR for helping to fund the project but also were simply proud to show what they had done for their own community. There was a true sense of ownership and I thought again how wonderful it is to be a part of something that is more than just a band aid or handout...a program that will make lives better and continue to do so even after the project has officially ended.

My heart is happy knowing that this serious little guy will have clean water to drink because of the wonderful work of EOR and its donors. How wonderful also knowing that he can see how the men and women in his community did the work and made it happen.

One post, lots of thankful

Back from Ethiopia! The trip was everything I expected and so much more. "Life-changing" seems a tad cliche and inadequate, but it's all my jet-lagged brain can come up with at the moment. My first two trips to Ethiopia had such a specific purpose: to meet and take home a baby. I did see a lot of of the country  during those two visits, but I was so focused on being a mother to a tiny little stranger there was much I didn't see, didn't feel, didn't dwell on...too preoccupied was I with loving on my precious babies.

This trip gave me the opportunity to really get to know the country that gave me my children. Longer posts detailing the trip will come shortly, but today I wanted to write a post of thanks. I come away from this trip with an even keener awareness of all the blessings I have in my life and the fact that there are many who struggle for that which many of us easily take for granted. Here goes...

1. I am thankful for the health of my family.

2. I am thankful that if illness should occur, we have access to incredible health care and medicine.

3. I am thankful for clean water.

4. I am thankful for easy access to water. My children and I do not have to walk for miles at a time to fetch dirty water for drinking, cleaning, washing & bathing.

5. I am thankful to be able to clothe my children and wash their clothes in clean water.

6. I am thankful for the education I received and the education my children will be able to receive. And that we do not have to choose between eating and education.

7. I am thankful we are able to provide clean and healthy food  for our family.

8. I am thankful my children will never have to know true hunger or what it is like to have to sell your body or all of your possessions to avoid starvation.

9. I am thankful for our house with its clean water, indoor plumbing, kitchen full of food, closets full of clothes and car in the garage.

10. I am thankful for my time in Ethiopia, for seeing what I have seen and  knowing what I now know I am forever thankful and determined to give of my heart, time and resources to help the orphans, vulnerable children and families in Ethiopia.



Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, and if you want more information on the work I did with Ethiopian Orphan Relief in Ethiopia and to donate or find ways you can help with specific partners and projects, go here and get inspired!

Back to Ethopia

I am off to work in Ethiopia with Ethiopian Orphan Relief in less than 48 hours! I am nervous, excited, scared, thrilled, and sad all at once. My daughter has been telling me many times a day how much she loves me and how very much she is going to miss me. My son, while not as verbal as his sister, shows me in other ways that this separation will be tough. So why am I going on this trip? Why leave my children for 10 days and create such an upheaval? Why take on the expense of this trip at a time when the finances always seem to be a bit tight? For as many times as I've been asked these questions by family and friends, I've asked myself many times over. Here is my response. I've thought quite a bit about this post and I'm afraid I'll have to apologize in advance: this will definitely not be my most eloquent or well-written post, but it will be 100% unedited and from the heart. This topic is simply too important to me to edit. So please bear with me...

I choose to go back to Ethiopia for my children. I am going to give back to the country that gave me my beautiful babies. I imagine a time years from now when my kids will ask me about Le Toukoul (the orphanage where we met) and all of the children that call it home. I want L and E to know that I have not forgotten all of the babies and toddlers and older kids that will remain. I want L and E to know that I gave as much of my time and resources as I could to make sure those children had food, clothes, shoes, books, toys, bathrooms and buildings where they could sleep, play and be educated.

My kids are now so thoroughly Americanized, it is easy to forget their tragic beginnings. It is convenient and safe to pretend that their lives began the day we took them away from Ethiopia and everything familiar. I refuse to do that. Some may argue that my kids are "better off" in our family. After all, we have a nice house, cars, pets, and  income to buy clothes and the latest silly toy. Here is my question: do any of those things negate the fact that my daughter and son had to experience horrific loss and trauma to be where they are today? And what about the birth families? Did they deserve the loss and heartbreak that directly lead to the formation of my family? Of course not. For that reason, I go back to Ethiopia. So that I may have the blessings of two amazing children, people in Ethiopia suffered. I am going to give back to the country that gave me so very much. I absolutely cannot imagine my life without my children, but I still grieve for the circumstances that led them to our family.

I've been to Ethiopia twice now and each time was overwhelmed by the pride Ethiopians have in their country and culture. Many of the employees at our local airport are Ethiopian and you should see their faces simply light up when my husband and I attempt a weak "ahmesugenalew." They love their country and are eager and thrilled to share it with us and our children. They appreciate the fact that we want our kids to know and be proud of where they were born. Bringing both of my kids home was bittersweet. The elation and happiness of new motherhood was always tempered with guilt and sadness at the fact that I was taking these children away from a country of people that loved them but had no choice but to let me take them away.

I love Ethiopia. Not only because it gave me the two greatest blessings of my life, but also because it is a place that has touched my heart and soul. I am forever changed after traveling there. I am going to Ethiopia because I am forever in debt to the country that allowed me the privilege to be L and E's mommy. I am going because  I love my children so much it practically breaks my heart. I am going because I love who they are and where they come from and for me, those two things could never be mutually exclusive.

Lost for words

I zipped over to my blog today to check on the blogs that I regularly follow and happened to catch a quick glance at the date of my last post. Lordy, it's been a while, hasn't it? I can't say that life has been particularly uneventful around here (staying home with two small children pretty much takes the word "uneventful" right out of your vocabulary), but there hasn't been a topic or event that has compelled me to share. I shamefully admit that laziness has something to do with it. Our laptop is definitely moving into "old timer" age and so loading and editing photos is most often a tedious and irritating chore. The free time I have before the kids awake and after they are asleep is precious to me, and I often find myself torn: do I blog? Watch Glee? Check out another episode of Mad Men on Netflix? Read? Clean the house? Catch up on email? Sadly, blogging rarely wins.

So, a brief update and a promise to finally download a bunch of pictures and post again soon. Meaning, less than 6 weeks from now.

I was thrilled and honored (and more than a little freaked out) to sing at my brother's wedding earlier this month. It wasn't new rep, but it was the first time I'd performed in almost 4 years. I still can't believe it's been that long. Wow. I gave a recital in Chicago just 3 weeks after coming home with Lila in February of '08. Since then I've done lots of singing, but a lot more "Wheels on the Bus" and much less Schoenberg & Strauss. I will admit that I do miss it. I miss those years at Eastman where I could spend my time basking in the absolute loveliness that is German Lieder. Years where all I did was study and make music, where I could meet with my accompanist multiple times a week to sing through rep that I chose and loved, where I could witness the insane talent of the students and faculty around me. I definitely did not find balance in music and motherhood. I lost the musician part of me while I tried to become the best mom to my kids. But I think the balance is coming, thanks mostly to some very good friends who dragged me back into teaching (and thus, singing) despite my fear that perhaps the phrase "if you don't use it, you lose it" might actually be true.

But back to the wedding. Although practicing was tricky (as my son screams as though he is being tortured with hot fire pokers), everything went pretty darn well. I'm certainly not in the kind of singing shape I once maintained, but at least I know my voice is still in there. AND I landed a wee singing gig from the whole blessed event! Christmas Eve service, here I come. I'll mainly be serving as soprano section leader for the choir, but I also get to perform "Rejoice Greatly," one of my most favorite things to sing (next to melodramatic German art song, that is). How I will manage to practice for this, I'm not entirely sure. I think it's funny that back in grad school, I was so darn picky about practicing. I would only do it in my teacher's studio (I hated the practice rooms...the sound was so shitty and generally made one oversing) and I generally preferred to practice around 10am if at all possible. Afternoons were OK and I avoided evenings all together (the voce was tired, you see). Today? I'd just like to get 15 seconds of singing done anytime, anywhere without a very cute little Ethiopian screaming his head off and hanging on my leg begging to be held. I'll take morning, afternoon, evening, practice room, bathroom, kitchen...you name it, I'll sing there if my son would just please. stop. screaming. Until that happens, I see a couple of stolen practice sessions at my brother's house with a pitch pipe.

L started another year of preschool with very little fanfare. That kind of stuff just doesn't freak her out. She is truly a social being, happiest when she can share her energy with as many as possible. The biggest change is that she is now in the morning session, which means I have had to get my sh*t together three mornings each week. Her hair already takes some thought and planning, but this takes it to a whole new level. The best part, though, is that I now have almost 3 hours alone with E. When L was in the afternoon session, E was napping pretty much the entire time, so this is really the first time that I've had the opportunity to spend some serious QT with the boy. I've loving it...I hope he is as well. 

Less than 3 weeks until the marathon and all is not well. On September 10th I finished my very first 20-mile run. It went well and I felt great during the run. After? Not so much. Silly IT band, get on board! After seeing a sports med doc and PT, I'm still a go for the race on October 16th. I am terrified but determined. I am going to trust in my doc and PT who both assure me that I've done my training and even though I've not run much at all in the past two weeks and won't be able to run much leading up to the race, the 12 weeks of training I did put in will matter. It's weird to say, but I kind of feel lost not being able to run. I am certainly not one of those people who run because they love to run. But doing this training made me feel so strong, accomplished, proud, athletic...words I had never before used to describe myself. I really hope that I can get past this injury and not only run the marathon, but keep running in general. Fingers crossed.

Update complete! Pictures coming. Promise.

Pictures that make me happy

My two superheros. They both wear these t-shirts pretty much all the time. I find myself doing laundry simply to keep these shirts in circulation. They are playing together more and more these days...when I catch them both giggling and squealing with laughter my heart simply swells to bursting.

I found the above shirt waaaaay on sale at Nordstrom. It suits my boy perfectly. The front has Sesame Street characters in superhero outfits and says, "Keeping the Street Safe." But the back of the shirt is what sold me...

A detatchable cape! What the what! We are ALL about capes in this house. Elijah squeals with pure joy whenever I pull this shirt out of the closet.

My boys.

Court!

This morning felt like Fall. The windows were open all night and I woke up to a slightly chilly house and the promise of my favorite season on the horizon. I am reminded of moments like the picture above...enjoying the pumpkin patch with my two-and-a-half baby girl.  

These pictures make me start my day with a big smile on my face and an acute awareness of how incredibly lucky I am.