Hovering around: a helicopter mom dilemma

Every once and a while one of the parenting magazines has an article on "the helicopter parent." Of course, what they really mean most of the time is the helicopter mommy. When I read those articles a part of me says, "well, I'm not like that, am I? No, I'm certainly not that bad." And then another wee voice in my head says, "Um, maybe I'm like that just a leetle bit?" I do my best, I really do. I work hard not to project all of my social insecurities (and there are many) onto my gregarious little L who is naturally outgoing and bold. So let me tell you why this morning was so damn hard for this recovered-helicopter-mommy:

This morning I had a serious mommy-fail. Some friends of mine and their tots meet at different playgrounds every Thursday morning. Today I went to the wrong one. Totally wrong and waaaaay to far away from the correct playground to make it there in time to get any playing done before the lunch/nap portion of our day. So, I decided that we'd just stay where we were and enjoy ourselves. Thankfully, this particular park has a small fenced-off area with toddler-sized equipment AND as we were getting ourselves settled two other moms both with kiddos ages 2 & 4 arrived. It seemed too good to be true: fenced in, age-appropriate playmates, shade, benches...I was in heaven. 

It started out well. The other two 4-year-olds were both boys, but L generally gets along better with boys anyway. They both commented on how cool her Superman shirt and cape were, she agreed that yes, they were indeed cool, and then they were off having a great time. E was relatively sedate, sucking down his diluted apple juice and enjoying the fact that I was actually letting him climb up the toddler slide (another mommy-fail, as he slipped and fell...my bad). Me? I sat there thinking how this hasn't turned out so badly after all! Sure, I really needed wanted to see my friends and their beautiful babies, but at least we were having a great morning enjoying the weather and getting some quality playground time. Then I heard it: "Naa naa naa naa naa, you're a rotten eeeegggg!" Sure, the content was relatively harmless, but I quickly realized it was 100% directed at my girl. Both of the older boys were running around a bewildered looking L, pointing at her and saying the above phrase in that annoying, sing-songy way that makes my hair curl and my fists clench. Poor L looked confused and on the verge of angry (she was starting to whip out some of her Kung Fu moves as if to block the hateful little song), so I called her over.

L: "Mommy, those boys are calling me names!"

Me: "I know sweetie, but doing Kung Fu is not how we deal with that. You need to tell those boys to please stop calling you a rotten egg. Tell them that it hurts your feelings and you'd like them to stop."

Good for me, right ('cause it's all about me, y'all)? I didn't intervene. I attempted to give L the tools to deal with this herself. And she did. She marched back into the fray and each time the boys circled and pointed she loudly declared, "Please stop calling me that! I don't like that!" What did the boys do? They added new lyrics: "Naa naa naa naa naa, you're a poopy on the potty."

What pissed me off the most? Both of the boys' mothers were SITTING RIGHT THERE, happily chatting away while their sons singled out and taunted my daughter. I may helicopter my own children from time to time, but it would take a lot for me to intervene with anyone else's child. But dammit was I close today. The thought of confrontation in any form gives me the dry heaves, but I was sitting there formulating what I was going to have to say to these to clueless women. I had a few options:

Option 1 (polite but firm): "Excuse me, but your son is calling my daughter names and it's really hurting her feelings. Could you please ask him to stop?"

Option 2: "Woman, quit texting on your freakin' phone and gabbing away with the woman next to you about how early your son started walking/talking/reading...and for the love of God PARENT YOUR BRATTY CHILD OR I WILL."

Luckily it didn't come to that. One of the women finally stopped talking long enough to realize that her son was calling my daughter a poopy on the potty (oh, and he was now joined by his younger 2-year-old brother, isn't that charming) and called him over. I sat there, thrumming with excitement, expecting a very stern reprimand. What did she say? In that oh-I'm-so-amused-by-your-antics voice she said, "Oh honey, are you being the playground bully?" WTF??!!

I know, I know,  we all have our own parenting styles. Call my old fashioned, but  in my humble opinion, name calling, pointing, and taunting are NOT EVER OK. Especially when all of it is being directed at one poor, singled-out child. The above mom of the name-calling ring-leader seemed to take the "oh, boys will be boys" sort of attitude. I'm sorry, just because he has a penis does not make name calling and taunting somehow ok and even slightly amusing. 

Has L ever been mean to another child? Sure. But I can assure you that if it was in my presence, L was pulled out of the situation, scolded, and then told to go back and apologize to whomever she had offended. 

In the end I didn't hover and L handled the whole situation very well. She simply chose not to play near them anymore and we left the playground not long after. She's been talking about the incident all morning and it's maddening to see how two little strangers have hurt my daughters feelings, leaving her so confused as to why they would be so mean. I have no profound response for L's questions and can only tell her over and over that sometimes kids can be mean, and the best thing we can do is first ask them to stop and if they refuse, don't play with them anymore.

As for the mommies of the playground taunters? I'm disappointed. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I spend 24/7 dealing with my own children, I wish I could go to a playground or any other public play space and not have to deal with the aftermath of other parents phoning it in (literally...if I see another mom texting away while her child wreaks havoc I will LOSE IT) because they seem too busy or too distracted to discipline their child. Again, I know this is coming out very judge-y, but right now I'm angry. I can't tell you how many times I've had to play with someone else's 4-5 year-old child at the pool while their mother/father/grandparent lounges on a beach chair and reads. Honestly, it happens almost every time. Not even addressing the safety issues of letting a 5-year-old swim totally unsupervised, I certainly did not schlep my two kids, towels, snacks, toys...etc. to be your kid's babysitter/playmate at the pool.

After all of that venting, my dilemma is this: I can avoid helicoptering my own kids, but what to do when someone else's child is misbehaving? Not just misbehaving, but hurting your child (either physically or verbally) and the parent of said child isn't stepping up? Would you fly your helicopter into their airspace?