Once, twice, three times a lady...

Happy Birthday to my beautiful baby girl. I cannot believe that you are turning 3 today! Such a cliche, but time has positively flown since you entered my life.

All of the fantasies I had about motherhood were so wrong. Life as your mom is infinitely richer, better, sweeter, and way more fun that I could have possible imagined. 

On this day three years ago, a woman in Bale Robe made the bravest of decisions. She made a sacrifice that many of us simply cannot imagine making. Because of her bravery and selflessness, I have today and countless tomorrows with you, my precious daughter. Your birthday celebration would not be complete without honoring the person who gave you life.

Once there were two women who never knew each other

One you do not remember, the other you call Mother

Two different lives shaped to make you one

One became your guiding star, the other became your sun

The first one gave you life, the second taught you to live it

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name

One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears

One made an adoption plan, it was all that she could do

The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you

Now, which of these two women are you the product of?

Both, my darling, both, Just two different types of love.

-Unknown

Is this the dream that I had before I became a Mom?

That was like a black and white movie - shadowy, dreamlike, without details.

The life we live is a rainbow of details,

and a richer, more vibrant reality than anything I ever dreamed.

- Beth M. Waggenspack 

Happy Birthday, Lila!

Love, Mommy.

Emerging from the food coma...

We headed to Red Robin with my parents, brother, sister & nephew for for the first (of many) birthday celebrations for one Miss Lila-the-three-year-old. It was very impressive watching my child wolf down fries and then DEVOUR the ice cream sundae that was delivered to her by singing waiters. The funniest part? When we announced that she was done with her ice cream, she started frantically trying to scoop as much into her mouth as possible before the dish was taken away. Panic was etched all over her sticky, ice-cream covered face.

As I type, Lila is playing with some new farm animals. I love it when she forgets everyone around her and heads off into her imagination. It is really amazing to see and hear. Her animals are currently having extensive conversations with each other, and I do believe that the farm animals have now joined forces to defeat a couple of her dinosaurs. Hee hee, she just had the farm animals sing an updated version of the Wonder Pets song before heading out to deal with those rogue dinosaurs: "Wonder animals, wonder animals, we're on our way..."

Elijah's closet is now filling up with adorable little things thanks to an amazing group of friends. I didn't have a shower before Lila came, so this was my very first baby shower. It was as lovely and wonderful as I thought it would be. The whole adoption process is way less scary knowing that you have an amazing group of supportive mommies in your corner. Thank you thank you!

Hmmmmmm. Lila's zebra, elephant, and swan have joined the mix. And the horse is demanding that the lamb say hello to the rabbit, Ruby. But the lamb has declared that he doesn't want to say hello because he's shy. Lordy, I could listen to this all day.

Leavin on a Jet Plane

We finally have our travel dates! Thank goodness, as I had just dispatched Kevin to make an unpleasant phone call to our agency. Yep, totally did not have the rocks to do it myself. 

Although the embassy date is later than I had hoped, there is now a date. A deadline. I will meet my son in x number of weeks. Unbelievable! Having the travel dates set helps so much, especially since we still don't have any updated information or photos. The tenuous connection that your forge with your child before you meet them is so helped by the monthly updates (at least it was for me). You feel like you are a wee part of their life - you see them growing, wearing different outfits, smiling or crying, just looking different and new each time. I have to remind myself to really LOOK at his picture lately, I've becomed so used to it being around.

And in my most quiet moments, I just worry. I want to know if he's happy. If, right at this moment, he's smiling, crying, sleeping, eating...if someone is holding him, playing with him, giving him comfort (wishing it were me). I remember feeling this way before leaving to meet Lila, but it's way more intense this time around. I think about all of the things I want to be doing for him RIGHT NOW(feeding, changing, comforting, bathing, playing, loving) and my body just thrums with the desire to run and jump on the first flight to Addis.

Thankfully, I have a little Ethiopian girl FULL of energy to keep me busy and happy and entertained. Her latest catch phrases:

"Mommy, you crack me up!"

"Mommy, you're driving me crazy! Ugh!"

"Mommy, you're my best friend I ever heard."

"Mommy, I'm so proud of you."

After helping her Uncle John pick out furniture last night we headed over to Red Robin. Lila was ECSTATIC. As I told Kevin, every event of our meal was announced by my child like we were on a game show. "Mommy, it's my CHOCOLATE MILK!!!!" "Mommy, it's my CHICKEN NUGGETS AND FRIES!!!" And the best of all? My daughter got to meet Red Robin himself! Normally shy with gigantic, life-sized characters (and who wouldn't be? They really are kinda creepy), Lila walked right up to him, shook his hand and demanded that Uncle John take their picture.

Speaking of pictures, I promise I'll be posting a bunch next week. Completely forgot to download the new pics before Kevin left for his whirlwind European business trip with our camera in tow.

This does, however, give me time to really finish Elijah's room. The walls and painted and the crib is decked out in new bedding, but the room still looks woefully underdecorated. Wall decals, here I come!

Can I get a do-over? Please?

This morning has definitely put me in my mommy-place. Not that I thought I was a perfect mom, by any stretch of the imagination. But this morning's events certainly let me know that I had let my guard down...hardcore. What is it about parenthood screw-ups that linger on the brain? I just can't let it go. No matter if I've done a million wonderful mommy things, one mistake and I'm stewing about it endlessly, berating myself, trying to figure out what I could have done better, feeling the judgement of a thousand other (totally in my head)moms. So, I decided to blog about it and LET IT FREAKIN' GO.

After a lovely 6.5 mile workout I had the good fortune to run into my friend (and birthday girl, no less) Paige. Now, in my defense, adult conversation during the day is rare in my world, so I hunkered down for a good chat. Lila was playing in the playground area with AM, all was well with the world. I was definitley feeling my mommy mojo. At some point, Lila ventured into the lobby area with some other children. I usually don't let her wander that far, but I was busy chatting and had an eyeball on her most times. But it only took a couple of minutes for my child to attempt to exit the lobby through the revolving doors and get herself lodged in said revolving doors. Did I notice? Nope. Not until another mom brought her over along with our beloved Miss Gina from the front desk. As Lila was getting a gentle lecture from Miss Gina I felt about a small as one can feel. What I'm sure were probably understanding looks and sympathetic smiles felt to me like everyone standing around me pointing and shouting, "Bad! Bad Mommy!"

Of course, I dwelled on the incident all the way home and through lunch. Poor Lila...not knowing that all of my anger and disappointment was directed squarely at myself.

Lila was taking her sweet time with lunch (again), so I decided to run out into the yard and cut some of the tulips that had just made their way up yesterday. I walked back into the house with a lovely bouquet as Lila says, "Mommy, I have to go potty!" As I rush her out of her seat and towards the bathroom, I realize that there is poop EVERYWHERE. On her booster seat, on the floor, on her shoe, and coming all kinds of ways out of her skirt and Pull-Up. I'm sure she had to go while I was outside and totally unavailable. Getting Lila, the floor, the seat, her shoe, and her skirt cleaned up all the while attempting rather miserably to make sure the dog doesn't sneak away with the poopy diaper was pretty much the last straw. Not my best parenting moment. Not even close.

Now that my little doodlebug is sleeping peacefully in my bed I am determined to shake off this shroud of failure that has descended on my morning. I'm sure all moms have these moments, mornings, days...etc. that seem to erase all of the great things we do each day. By sending this out to the internets I'm deciding to let this morning go and start our post-nap day anew. No berating myself, no second-guessing, no blowing out of proportion, no dwelling or stewing on my mistakes.

Hmmm, I do feel better. How about that?