Many have heard me state that one of the things I most love about my little girl is her strong and infinitely energetic personality. Unlike her mommy, L seems to have been born with this deep and endless well of confidence. She is charismatic, loud, stubborn, extremely bright (frightengly so, sometimes), outspoken, opinionated...all of these things make up the girl that I adore.
While I still say these are the parts of her that I cherish, lately I've been saying it through gritted teeth and with a face reddened by frustration. I'm sure my parents will raise their hands in the air and shout with the happiness that comes only with true justice when I say DAMN! my girl is STUBBORN and I am at the end of my wits. That's a lie. My wits are long gone.
Lately it seems that my days are filled with disciplining her in the following fashion:
"L, don't stand on the rails of the chair, sit in your chair properly."
No response from L.
"L (slightly louder), please do not stand on the chair that way, the rail is going to break."
Slight or no respose from L.
"L! Sit down!"
At this point, L may sit down temporarily, but often tries to worm her way out of obeying by talking and talking and talking about anything but what is currently transpiring. It's at this point where I usually lose it...
"L! SIT DOWN IN YOUR CHAIR RIGHT NOW OR BREAKFAST IS OVER! I'M SERIOUS, THAT FOOD WILL GO INTO THE GARBAGE!"
Yep, those capital letters mean that I'm full-on yelling. I really do hate yelling, but it seems to be the only thing that can break through the outright disobedience and general non-stop chatter that L employs to get what she wants.
I think what is the most frustrating thing is that almost nothing can happen (with regards to L) without some kind of challenge and/or debate. Getting dressed, eating, picking out a video, getting ready to go anywhere, all of these activities not only take twice as long as they should, but they become infinitely more stressful than they should because I'm constantly engaging in a massive battle of wills with a child who has a seemingly endless supply of energy and, let's say, chutzpah. She's no wallflower, my girl.
Thankfully, I am stubborn as well (who, me?), and so I am able to hold my own and make sure my little lady knows who is actually in charge here. But lordy is it freakin' exhausting. I honestly think I would faint with sheer surpise if I ever asked L to come over and get dressed and she just plain old DID. And stood still. And helped. And didn't wiggle around, grab at her animals, run away giggling half-naked to jump on the bed leaving me kneeling on the floor holding her underwear yelling at her and feeling like not only a total loser, but a complete failure as a parent.
For my part, I know that I need to perhaps choose my battles a bit more wisely. Or at least just be choosier. The more frustrated I become, the more I seem to want to punish myself by scolding L for every tiny little infraction. Each scolding is then met with more disobedience...things kinda snowball from there, you can imagine.
I don't want to take away any of her spirit. I want her to have her own opinions, make her own conclusions about her world, learn the natural consequences of her actions (within reason, of course), and become her very own person. But I also need to figure out how to disengage from this constant battle of wills. I need for her to realize that there are certain things it is simply not her place to challenge.
Ok, Mom & Dad, laugh it up. I know, I deserve it...
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