Lost for words

I zipped over to my blog today to check on the blogs that I regularly follow and happened to catch a quick glance at the date of my last post. Lordy, it's been a while, hasn't it? I can't say that life has been particularly uneventful around here (staying home with two small children pretty much takes the word "uneventful" right out of your vocabulary), but there hasn't been a topic or event that has compelled me to share. I shamefully admit that laziness has something to do with it. Our laptop is definitely moving into "old timer" age and so loading and editing photos is most often a tedious and irritating chore. The free time I have before the kids awake and after they are asleep is precious to me, and I often find myself torn: do I blog? Watch Glee? Check out another episode of Mad Men on Netflix? Read? Clean the house? Catch up on email? Sadly, blogging rarely wins.

So, a brief update and a promise to finally download a bunch of pictures and post again soon. Meaning, less than 6 weeks from now.

I was thrilled and honored (and more than a little freaked out) to sing at my brother's wedding earlier this month. It wasn't new rep, but it was the first time I'd performed in almost 4 years. I still can't believe it's been that long. Wow. I gave a recital in Chicago just 3 weeks after coming home with Lila in February of '08. Since then I've done lots of singing, but a lot more "Wheels on the Bus" and much less Schoenberg & Strauss. I will admit that I do miss it. I miss those years at Eastman where I could spend my time basking in the absolute loveliness that is German Lieder. Years where all I did was study and make music, where I could meet with my accompanist multiple times a week to sing through rep that I chose and loved, where I could witness the insane talent of the students and faculty around me. I definitely did not find balance in music and motherhood. I lost the musician part of me while I tried to become the best mom to my kids. But I think the balance is coming, thanks mostly to some very good friends who dragged me back into teaching (and thus, singing) despite my fear that perhaps the phrase "if you don't use it, you lose it" might actually be true.

But back to the wedding. Although practicing was tricky (as my son screams as though he is being tortured with hot fire pokers), everything went pretty darn well. I'm certainly not in the kind of singing shape I once maintained, but at least I know my voice is still in there. AND I landed a wee singing gig from the whole blessed event! Christmas Eve service, here I come. I'll mainly be serving as soprano section leader for the choir, but I also get to perform "Rejoice Greatly," one of my most favorite things to sing (next to melodramatic German art song, that is). How I will manage to practice for this, I'm not entirely sure. I think it's funny that back in grad school, I was so darn picky about practicing. I would only do it in my teacher's studio (I hated the practice rooms...the sound was so shitty and generally made one oversing) and I generally preferred to practice around 10am if at all possible. Afternoons were OK and I avoided evenings all together (the voce was tired, you see). Today? I'd just like to get 15 seconds of singing done anytime, anywhere without a very cute little Ethiopian screaming his head off and hanging on my leg begging to be held. I'll take morning, afternoon, evening, practice room, bathroom, kitchen...you name it, I'll sing there if my son would just please. stop. screaming. Until that happens, I see a couple of stolen practice sessions at my brother's house with a pitch pipe.

L started another year of preschool with very little fanfare. That kind of stuff just doesn't freak her out. She is truly a social being, happiest when she can share her energy with as many as possible. The biggest change is that she is now in the morning session, which means I have had to get my sh*t together three mornings each week. Her hair already takes some thought and planning, but this takes it to a whole new level. The best part, though, is that I now have almost 3 hours alone with E. When L was in the afternoon session, E was napping pretty much the entire time, so this is really the first time that I've had the opportunity to spend some serious QT with the boy. I've loving it...I hope he is as well. 

Less than 3 weeks until the marathon and all is not well. On September 10th I finished my very first 20-mile run. It went well and I felt great during the run. After? Not so much. Silly IT band, get on board! After seeing a sports med doc and PT, I'm still a go for the race on October 16th. I am terrified but determined. I am going to trust in my doc and PT who both assure me that I've done my training and even though I've not run much at all in the past two weeks and won't be able to run much leading up to the race, the 12 weeks of training I did put in will matter. It's weird to say, but I kind of feel lost not being able to run. I am certainly not one of those people who run because they love to run. But doing this training made me feel so strong, accomplished, proud, athletic...words I had never before used to describe myself. I really hope that I can get past this injury and not only run the marathon, but keep running in general. Fingers crossed.

Update complete! Pictures coming. Promise.