Back to Ethopia

I am off to work in Ethiopia with Ethiopian Orphan Relief in less than 48 hours! I am nervous, excited, scared, thrilled, and sad all at once. My daughter has been telling me many times a day how much she loves me and how very much she is going to miss me. My son, while not as verbal as his sister, shows me in other ways that this separation will be tough. So why am I going on this trip? Why leave my children for 10 days and create such an upheaval? Why take on the expense of this trip at a time when the finances always seem to be a bit tight? For as many times as I've been asked these questions by family and friends, I've asked myself many times over. Here is my response. I've thought quite a bit about this post and I'm afraid I'll have to apologize in advance: this will definitely not be my most eloquent or well-written post, but it will be 100% unedited and from the heart. This topic is simply too important to me to edit. So please bear with me...

I choose to go back to Ethiopia for my children. I am going to give back to the country that gave me my beautiful babies. I imagine a time years from now when my kids will ask me about Le Toukoul (the orphanage where we met) and all of the children that call it home. I want L and E to know that I have not forgotten all of the babies and toddlers and older kids that will remain. I want L and E to know that I gave as much of my time and resources as I could to make sure those children had food, clothes, shoes, books, toys, bathrooms and buildings where they could sleep, play and be educated.

My kids are now so thoroughly Americanized, it is easy to forget their tragic beginnings. It is convenient and safe to pretend that their lives began the day we took them away from Ethiopia and everything familiar. I refuse to do that. Some may argue that my kids are "better off" in our family. After all, we have a nice house, cars, pets, and  income to buy clothes and the latest silly toy. Here is my question: do any of those things negate the fact that my daughter and son had to experience horrific loss and trauma to be where they are today? And what about the birth families? Did they deserve the loss and heartbreak that directly lead to the formation of my family? Of course not. For that reason, I go back to Ethiopia. So that I may have the blessings of two amazing children, people in Ethiopia suffered. I am going to give back to the country that gave me so very much. I absolutely cannot imagine my life without my children, but I still grieve for the circumstances that led them to our family.

I've been to Ethiopia twice now and each time was overwhelmed by the pride Ethiopians have in their country and culture. Many of the employees at our local airport are Ethiopian and you should see their faces simply light up when my husband and I attempt a weak "ahmesugenalew." They love their country and are eager and thrilled to share it with us and our children. They appreciate the fact that we want our kids to know and be proud of where they were born. Bringing both of my kids home was bittersweet. The elation and happiness of new motherhood was always tempered with guilt and sadness at the fact that I was taking these children away from a country of people that loved them but had no choice but to let me take them away.

I love Ethiopia. Not only because it gave me the two greatest blessings of my life, but also because it is a place that has touched my heart and soul. I am forever changed after traveling there. I am going to Ethiopia because I am forever in debt to the country that allowed me the privilege to be L and E's mommy. I am going because  I love my children so much it practically breaks my heart. I am going because I love who they are and where they come from and for me, those two things could never be mutually exclusive.