I am having a harder and harder time imagining how this adoption process is going to unfold. We received the official statement from our agency that Ethiopia is changing to a 2-visit process. Our house was not a happy house last night. Poor Lila. I managed to hold the tears in, but my wee one seemed to sense that something was not right with her mommy. She was super-clingy all evening, demanding to be held almost constantly, frequently asking me if I was alright. Oh, my sweet girl. How did she know? Do I wear my emotions on my sleeve that much? Apparently.
Actually, the tears didn't come until this morning when I was reading another friend's blog post about all of these changes. I think it took some time and space for me to really process all that has happened in less than 24 hours. While I am still confident and sure that this will all happen eventually, I simply cannot imagine getting on a plane without my son. I'm sitting here now trying to picture it and my mind is blank, refusing to even entertain such a horrible scenario. But it will happen. How does one prepare? I don't know.
Financial issues aside (and that's one BIG aside), I need to start realizing that I will be flying home for over 20 hours without my child. And there is a very good possibility that we won't be able to afford 2 more tickets for the embassy date, so chances are I won't be able to be there to bring Eli home. Probably the hardest for me to accept. I have already had many a daydream of Eli in a sling, sleeping on my chest during our long flight home. Time to make some adjustments.
I'll end on a Lila anecdote: yesterday I went to get her from her nap. I use the word "nap" lightly, as there was very little sleeping involved. Anyway, as I walked up to her bed she said, "Mommy, I have some new friends!" She then proceeded to hand me a ball of something white & fluffy. At first I thought she had pulled some stuffing out of one of her stuffed animals (there are dozens in her bed). When I asked what it was from, she replied, "My diaper!" Ewwwwww. She had pulled the filler from her (blessedly) dry diaper. Ick. But funny, no?
It is really hard to process, isn't it? I keep trying to find the good in all of this, but the change really does shake things up a bit. What agency are you with? I'm with Dove, and we just got our announcement yesterday as well. Makes me wonder if we are with the same agency.
ReplyDeleteYep, we're with Dove as well! So glad to meet another Dove family. This time around I've had a hard time connecting with other Dove families, the forums have become less agency specific. What is your timeline?
ReplyDeleteKevin was just muttering the other day about how Dove upped their dossier fee by $1000 and now this...I know this is not Dove's doing, but yikes. So many changes and issues this time around. Makes me feel like I should have really appreciated how smoothly it went the first time!